Louise Hay once said, “Love is something we can choose, the same way we choose anger, or hate, or sadness. We can choose to forgive someone who has hurt us and begin to finally heal. We can choose to be grateful for what we have. We can choose love. It’s always a choice within us.”

Steps to Loving Yourself

Have you ever asked yourself—Do I love myself? If so, you may have found it easy to reply with a “Yes!” On the other hand, you may have found it very difficult and instead, began loathing in negative self-talk. I sure know that I have found myself in that negative self-talk spiral some days. So what do you do when you find yourself in this negative space? Well, many have found success by practicing self-love through these steps:

1.) Explore Your Inner Self

Learn to pay attention to yourself through the use of self-care. In today’s world, we have learned to overlook our self-care and focus more of our attention on others’ needs before our own. Take time for meditation, self-reflection, a simple salt bath, repeating positive affirmations, identifying your daily gratitude(s), and taking time to experience some quiet time at least a few minutes each day. These will help you to explore your inner world and teach you how to appreciate and enjoy yourself.

2.) Face Your Inner Obstacles and Resistance to Your Life

Take the time to explore your weaknesses and flaws. You will experience discomfort during this process as you will be judging yourself. Your insecurities and anxieties will arise as these will be identified as your weaknesses and flaws. As you do, you will find that many of those insecurities and anxieties represents feelings from the past due to previous life experiences, which can be healed. The first, but most difficult step in healing is looking within yourself to release. There are many different avenues to assist you on your healing journey such as counseling, support groups, energy work, hypnosis, acupuncture, massage, mind-body programs and various Eastern medical approaches.

3.) Heal with Old Wounds

To heal your old wounds means to continue to look deep within yourself. As you begin this advanced healing, old residues of negative emotions will be released. Once released, you will find that you are stuck with deep resentments, pain, suffering, anger, hurt, and scars, which must be dealt with. Seeking support and help from someone else such as a close friend, mentor, priest, or counselor, who understands the situation to go into these dark places would be of most benefit in moving past and fully healing your old wounds. Remember you aren’t alone! This work can be done safely and without anxiety. As you begin this process, there will be a tremendous sense of exhilaration, triumph, and strength.

4.) Forgive Your Past

Be careful in this step as you can jump too quickly into forgiveness to avoid and escape the pain. It can be easy to pretend and falsely believe that you have forgiven your old sufferings due to wanting to alleviate the pain and guilt you feel from your past. However, the absence of pain, which can be achieved through healing, will give you the right foundation for deep and long-lasting forgiveness and lead you on the path to fully loving yourself. Obtaining self-acceptance is key—a major part of this process is the realization that you have been doing the very best you can in your current state of awareness. This may be quite the challenge after being deeply hurt. You will fully heal from the pain as you learn to understand how only you have control over your reality for change and each individual person only has control over his or her own reality for change.

5.) Accept Where You are Right Now in Your Life

Be weary, this is another step you may jump into too quickly. Remember, the present moment is not free from all of the burdens, memories, and wounds of your past. They are still a part of you and must be attended to before you are able to look around, breathe easy and fully love the moment you are in right now. Catching yourself in the moment of negative-self talk is important to be able to reframe it into a positive. For example, catch yourself when you have a bad thought or memory of your past and say, “ I AM not that person anymore.” The reality is… You are no longer that person, although your past has shaped you into the person you are today.

6.) Form Relationships Where You Feel Loved and Appreciated

To be on the path to fully loving yourself unconditionally does not mean that you have to be alone. Instead, you should be able to walk this path with others who reflect the unconditional love you see within yourself. Look around you and at some point you will notice and realize that not everyone among your family and friends resonate with your aspirations and vibrational pattern you seek. This does not mean you need to reject them. However, you do have the right to find those that understand the path you are choosing to walk and empathize with it. Those that will resonate with you are more likely to appreciate you for who you are now, and who you desire to become.

7.) Practice the Kind of Love You Aspire to Receive

Many people are searching for “the one” to show up, sweep them off their feet, and bring them happiness and unconditional love; however, you must stop waiting for “the one!” Instead, BE “the one” to bring yourself happiness and unconditional love. Remember, like attracts like, and the more you live and emanate your own ideal of unconditional love, the more your light and vibration will draw another light and vibration to you.

Make It a Daily Practice…

Make the time to implement one or two of these steps on a daily basis and you will find that you begin to naturally integrate them into your life with ease and grace. You are love and you are completely lovable! The loss of this eminence and believing you are unable to return to it is unnatural; to return to the eminence of unconditional love means you are reconnecting with your true self again. The path to self-love has been walked successfully for centuries, so I hope you join and begin discovering your path to loving yourself unconditionally.

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”—C.G. Jung